How culture affects parenting

The meaning of parenting is perceived differently through distinct cultures. Disregarding the variations throughout cultures and ethnic backgrounds; there are some key elements of parenting I think we all can agree with. A parent is responsible for meeting the child’s basic needs since they are dependent on their caregivers to sustain themselves. A parent must protect, care for, transmit values, and guide the child until they become independent adults (Peterson, 2022).

However, culture shapes parents’ child rearing practices, their expectations of children, what values they instill in the child, what kind of relationships they encourage or discourage the child to develop, and so on.

 For some people having children is an inevitable part of life experience, implying that giving birth doesn’t come as an option to them but something that is subconsciously an obvious part of life. Like turning 4 the year after turning 3. It is something that is given minimal though. It is unplanned, and unprepared for. I want to share an interaction I had with my father when I asked him, “Why did you want kids?”, “I never thought about this and I was never encouraged to, it just was something that I probably felt like I just had to do.” Many parents in these cultures are guided by some said and unsaid rules of pregnancy and child raising associated strictly with their ethnic background and personal history.

In other cultures, however, childbearing is just one of the many roads one could choose to take. Therefore, it is safe to assume that some level of family planning goes behind begetting a baby. However, still the child raising aspect is fundamentally dependent on the unsaid and said cultural rules that come almost intuitively to people. These rules that might be considered to be a norm for good reason in one culture; could be looked down upon or could perplex parents from other cultures.

For instance, in Denmark, babies are commonly left outside in their strollers while parents shop or dine in restaurants. Many parents in Norway, Sweden and Finland believe that fresh air is beneficial for children, and they are put to sleep outdoors. In Hong Kong, Taiwan, and India it is common for children to stay up until 10p.m. in contrast to New Zealand and Australia where bedtime for children is around 7:30p.m. Older kids in Italy are allowed to taste wine with family after dinner, though the legal age for buying alcohol is 18. In Japan it is normal for kids to run simple errands around the house, and them to be sent around the corner to get a couple of grocery items or so. In Liechtenstein, many parents choose to not send their children to school until they are 7 and this doesn’t seem to slow down cognitive or educational development in children.

Sleeping habits are also significantly unique across cultures. In most cultures sleeping patterns are closely tied to the importance of kinship. In the American culture however, independence is given prime importance due to which infants are put to sleep alone. It is the norm and parents who do not want to follow this norm face shame in society. On the other hand, putting a child to sleep alone might be seen as neglect by many other cultures. The majority of cultures believe that infant’s autonomy and security are enhanced by co-sleeping rather than constrained by it. Research has found that mothers wake the babies 40%of the time when they sleep together, and babies wake the mothers 60% of the time. The mothers touch, cuddle, hug, inspect and whisper to the babies which reassures the baby emotionally. It is also found that babies spend 100% of their sleeping time facing the mother (Divecha, 2015).  

In many cultures living with one’s parents till adulthood is normal, however in the western world not moving out after one is 18 is stigmatized. This also overlaps with the difference in parenting that focuses on interdependence and one that focuses on independence. Skills such as sharing with others, and respecting elders are at the center for some parents. Whereas parents who want to instill an independent mindset may look at sitting still and paying attention as a more important skill. In the West, routines, and expression of feelings are given prime importance as opposed to other cultures where obedience is encouraged more. Independent thinking is stimulated, and the child’s privacy is given due respect from an early age which has shown to have numerous benefits (Spicer, 2010).

Conclusively, parenting is practiced in more ways than one can imagine. What’s important is that a parent is loving towards their child, is supportive, consistent, and involved. It’s important that you are willing to get invested in understanding the unique needs of your child and strive to fulfill them. It’s important that you learn about child development and do what enhances the child’s sense of safety, happiness, and attachment with you. It’s important that you forget the shame that society’s norms put you through and collect the best from different cultures, keep the valuable teachings while accepting the flaws that your culture perpetuates.

-Maithili

Divecha, D. (2015, March 31). Safe Cosleeping is Better for Babies' Development than Sleep Training. Retrieved from DEVELOPMENTAL SCIENCE: https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2015/3/31/safe-cosleeping-is-better-for-babies-development#:~:text=Physical%20contact%2C%20in%20close%20cosleeping,benefits%20of%20such%20close%20contact.

Peterson, T. (2022, January 16). What Is Parenting? What Does It Mean to Be a Parent? Retrieved from Healthy Place: https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/parenting-skills-strategies/what-is-parenting-what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-parent

Spicer, P. (2010). Cultural Influences on Parenting. Retrieved from Fatherhood: https://www.fatherhood.gov/sites/default/files/resource_files/e000001906.pdf